When I was in kindergarten, I attended Charles S. Johnson Elementary School in Tulsa, OK, where my Aunt Opal was my teacher. The school was a couple of blocks from my great uncle, who would walk to the school every day to pick me up. I remember watching for him to come up the drive, smooth stride, fedora tilted to the side, and walking proudly with his cane. I called him “Uncle.” I remember a few years ago, I was telling G about him, and he asked me what his name was. I said, “Uncle,” and he busted out laughing.🤣

I loved hanging out with Uncle because if my teacher, Aunt Opal, gave me a good report, we would stop by the general store and get a cookie on the walk back to his house. I will always remember those Johnson cookies in the big glass jar. My favorite was the orange cookies. They were like 25 cents. We would get the cookie, walk to his house, and sit on the porch together. I would eat my cookie, and he would sit in his rocker, watch the cars go by, and wave at everyone. 👋🏾

I remember the first time Aunt Opal told Uncle I was “talking too much” in class this particular day. I knew I had a note for my parents, but I didn’t really understand the importance of the lesson I was about to learn. Uncle got the note and, on the walk, he told me I “have to pay attention in school so I can be smart.” We went straight to his house and sat on the porch. We didn’t stop for a cookie. Of course, I asked why, but Uncle said I “would get one tomorrow if I was good.” I was sad, and once I realized that I had not “been good,” I knew I would be in trouble with my parents when they got the note.😨

That is my first memory of Failure and how it relates to Fear. I was 5, and the consequences were intense.😩 A bad day was when I was talking too much or not paying attention when the teacher was talking. From there, I moved to having my teachers categorize my day as Successful or Epic Failures using happy or sad faces, or “S” and  “N,” representing Satisfactory or Non-satisfactory. Y’all, to take home a sad face or an “N” was like walking the green mile. That is until I graduated to the letter grade system, and I learned that nothing was worse than taking home an “F.” Taking home an” F” on a report card was the ultimate F-bomb.😱

The message was clear. Everybody loves an “A” maker. They like “B” makers. They tolerate “C” makers. They give “D” makers the side-eye. But “F” makers are banished from the kingdom, never to return. I know I’m being dramatic, but the point is that from a very early age, we are taught to avoid Failure at all costs, which is preposterous because that is impossible. 🤦🏾‍♀️

The other day, my dad called me and told me, “Missy, you are extremely talented, but writing is your superpower. Don’t ever stop writing.” It meant so much to hear him say that because before he called, I was second-guessing myself about my work. Honestly, I often dream of being a New York Times bestseller. Still, after my conversation with my dad, I realized it might be the dream, but it’s only a piece of the dream. As I write this, I know I am winning because I do what I love. 😍

After years of Fear dictating my choices, I’ve come to a new understanding. I’ve learned to respect my Fear, acknowledge its presence, and not let it control me. I’ve realized that Fear’s role is not to paralyze me but to assess and report my risks, enabling me to make the best decisions for myself. In this way, fear has become my accountability partner, guiding me rather than hindering me. 💪🏾

Here’s what one has to keep in perspective: Fear is afraid of everything, so everything in its reports will be Sev 1. For example, if you get a Fear of Failure report, ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen if I Fail?” If the answer is, “You won’t get a cookie,” then you know you will be okay and do your best. If the answer is “you will careen off this cliff and crash into the mountain,” you know this requires your full and immediate attention. You have to let Fear do its thing. Work with it. Work around it. Just don’t let it control you. I’m sure if you think about it long enough, you will realize that most of the stuff we’re afraid of never happens, but it’s Fear’s job to let us know the possibilities.🤓

It’s crucial to remember that we are not defined by our failures or successes. Our true essence lies in the multitude of experiences that shape us. Life is not a series of failures or successes; it’s about living, loving, and understanding. We are here to embrace our unique selves, revel in the joy of being who we were created to be, and cherish every moment of this beautiful journey.

Hey Siri, play “Her Light” by Cleo Soul.